First, there's the weather. It's cold. I know most fat people are always hot and I usually am, but there's no way to stay warm in 30 degree weather! I don't care how big you are! It's just not gonna happen. And either I'm old, or the cold really is seeping into my bones like some kind of weird disease. It's not cool!
Second, there's the shopping. I, unlike most women, also hate shopping! I have to be in an awesome mood and have lots of time and money or by the end of the first store I'm really pissy...and by really pissy I mean I'm a total fucking bitch! It gets worst at this time of year, cause everyone is shopping...at the same time...in the same fucking stores. So inevitably there's someone trying to make small talk with me while I'm trying to dig in the piles of stuff that have been thrown around for the past 3 weeks cause I'm the only dumb ass who waited till Christmas Eve to go shopping, And let's not forget to mention the people who smell or just look gross that can't/won't move out of your way when you're trying to squeeze past them to see if by some fucking Christmas miracle you can find something in a different size/color.
Third, there's the pressure. Whoever said "It's the thought that counts" was either really fucking nice or really fucking stupid cause I have given and received some really shitty presents. Usually cause I wait till Christmas Eve to go shop, but whatever. I used to be able to get away with $5 dollar toys at Wal-Mart for the majority of the people on my lists. Sadly those little people have grown up some and become snotty ass mid-sized people who want better stuff....fuckers. And I don't even like some of these little fuckers! They get on my damn nerves, and I don't really want to buy them shit, but AAA thinks just cause they're our nieces and nephews we should buy them a gift! Oh yeah, and I do all the shopping and wrapping, cause AAA sucks at it and Loli (my sister) is too lazy to do it before she mails them to me.
Fourth, there's my wallet. I am a poor Mexican. I don't want to spend my hard earned money buying gifts that the before mentioned little fuckers aren't even going to appreciate. And some of those little fuckers can't even pretend to like that shit. Their fucking mothers need to teach those little assholes some manners!
And last, but not least, there's the requisite family time. I love most of my extended family. Sadly the one's I actually like live 7 to 10 hours away (They live in Dallas but I've never made it there in less that 7 hours and they say it's supposed to be a 6 hour drive, idk) making it difficult to see them for holidays. So usually, my extended family here plans a family dinner and doesn't bother to invite me. That goes for maternal and paternal relatives. It's not a big deal except that they don't invite Mother either. AAA's family all loves each other and they get together all the time and everyone is invited and they have a good time with each other and they're like the fucking Brady Bunch multiplied like a dozen times cause we're mexicans. That's all great too. There's actually a few of them I like. The tricky part of the requisite family time is figuring who I'm going to abandon on Christmas Day. Do I stay home and cook a meal so Mother doesn't feel abandoned, or do I let Adrian go alone to his family's dinner? Mother is a very unappreciative bitch who will abandon me at about 6 to go to the bar with her ho-bag friends. (And before I get any shit, for the last sentence, Bitch you don't know my life and you damn sure don't know Mother, so STFU!) By this time, AAA will be in asshole mode because all day he has heard "Where's Maria and The Girls? Are you guys fighting again? Does she think she's too good for us?" and so on, so he's no fun to be around either.
And so, here I am again....4 days before Christmas....with no plan and no presents...FML
You are so very welcome! I sent a few gifts today and you will need to wrap them. :) abandon mother and go with AAA. I need some gossip to fuel my morbid life!
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